More Georgia Quality “Science”
Other claims about the Shroud that Mr. Rogers will be unable to disprove.
1. That the Shroud was the focus of a thousand year war between the Insectivore Warriors of Zetabin Three and the Interstallar League of Astro-Monks.
2. That when used as a prayer mat by certain elderly nuns, rain falls in unobserved parts of the Sahara.
3. Tying a thread from the Shroud around one's wrist delays the onset of cancer by up to six months.
4. That the original title of the Shroud was “Self-Portrait With Camera Obscura,” but the accompanying documentation was eaten by starving Jesuits during the Thirty Years War.
5. That the real value of the cloth is due to the accidental ventral x-rays of the last remaining Ichthyosaurus found on either side, discovered swimming in Como Lake in the 14th century.
6. That the portrait is not of Jesus at all, but rather of a 7th Century Italian knight who was ashamed about the size of his package.
Add these to the list.