Friday, April 01, 2005

The Modern Biologist

the dubious biologist explains The Modern Biologist:
  • build and field strip a pipettor, a Mass Spec, and a dual Xeon server;
  • write grants, journal articles, reviews and lecture notes between brushing your teeth and breakfast;
  • attach a radio-tag to the ear of a stampeding rhino using a paperclip and post-its;
  • design an experimental protocol then whip grad students into getting publishable results whether it works or not;
  • run a 100 person laboratory even if no one speaks English or without ever interacting with any of the personnel nor go overbudget;
  • argue rings around a Creation scientist, an animal-rights activist, grant review committees, and central accounting when you do go overbudget;
  • make seminar speakers quake when you point out the band on the left hand side of their gel suggests their hypothesis and probably their entire field of study is insipidly wrong;
  • identify and save an undiscovered endangered species.
Otherwise, why bother?
So, you know, get to work.