Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Speaking real slow

Death's Door explains how it is, and enters the contest :
So please tell me and be sure to speak real slow in that voice that only retards and small children of questionable lineage understand. How is it that instead of doing this in the muthafuckin Middle Ages or maybe during the Industrial Age when it made sense instead of now in the fuckin year 2005, our courts and politicos are openly debating “intelligent design" as an alternative to evolution? Can someone please fill a muthafucker in on when things went batshit crazy and the fuckin Pod People took over? Cause I must’a been in the bathroom, I’m just sayin and shit.

Oh, oh, and the first person that tells me that the shit is even debatable gets called a cocksucker. No, no, let me rephrase that. The first person that tells me that (and I’m doin the finger thingie here) “intelligent design” needs to be taught in the fuckin schools gets called a cocksucker. You crazy Terri Schiavo getting up moonwalkin fucks. Isn’t this what the fuckin churches are for, to preach godspeak and shit like that? Isn’t that why folks go to church?

Trust me, you don't want to mess with this man. If he starts calling you names, you thank him and walk on.

Now some IDolators will point to anyone who says that design might be true and immediately claim that this supports their demands that it be treated as science. What does Greg have to say?

And as far as I can tell, that’s what “intelligent design" is all about isn’t it? That the world around us is too complex to have been born of some great “accident”, that a great intelligence designed everything. Answers to all the great mysteries that surround us, like why doesn’t our noses drip into our mouths or some such shit. And I’m fine with that. I’m so fuckin fine with that shit that it would surprise a muthafucker.

But it belongs in the home and church, not in the schools. If when your stinkin baggy-pants wearin kids come home from school and you want to teach em that gods will emanates out’a the cat’s wrinkled starfish looking asshole. That’s cool. And if your church teaches you that “intelligent design" (and I’m doin the finger thingie again” is the way life happened. That’s cool too. But to want to change all the books and bring it into the schools as an alternative to evolution is what’s gonna bring on the fuckin zombies.

So Greg may buy the design argument in some grand theological sense (which I think is his God-given and Constitutionally-protected right) but he thinks that
these people are "cocksuckers" for trying to stretch it past that sphere.

There's a lot to be said for the blunt truth.